Monday, October 18, 2010


Twenty-four years ago a beautiful child was created and the named her Mary Alice Janelle Drummond!! It was me.  I am blessed and encouraged at what the Lord has done in my life so far, and I am excited at what he will do in my life over this year.  This year starts a new me.  I am renewing myself.  Mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  This year I am working out, I am accepting encouragement, I am seeking to be humble and loving.  I am seeking Christ with all my heart.  I am being serious about rooting out sin.  I am seeking graduate school or career.  This is a year of growth.  A year that I will love and care for myself and a year that I will do the same for family and friends.  I am seeking a mate!! Just joking.  I am not going to seek after a man, I am going to allow the Lord to do the work for me and seek to be content in any and all situations.  I am ready for a new beginning, a new me.  Happy Birthday to ME!!

Monday, October 4, 2010

What would you do?

I have a scenario and I need you to tell me what you would have done.

Imagine you were on a busy road driving aprox. 35 miles/per hour and you are driving next to a car and the passenger rider is screaming with the door wide open about to jump out. Seconds later the car stops in the middle of this busy rd. passenger drivers gets out and walks to the side of the rd.  The car then pulls over as well. 

What would you do?

A. Drive by and pray that everything will be okay?
B. Drive off and not think twice about it?
C. Drive off and call the cops?
D. Pull over check and see if everything is okay, offer to take the passenger somewhere that is safe, then get chased back to the car by the manly looking scary mother, then lock all doors and call the cops.
E. None of the above.

In this scenario I chose to apply D. This is a true story. Scary. Was I wrong?

Monday, September 20, 2010

Around The World

I hope you all have enjoyed getting to know me, I will continue to fill you all in on my life.  I just wanted to let you in on something.  In the past months I have gotten to go around the world.  I have been to so many places and met so many different people.  Now you may be wondering now, where have I been?  I have been in St. Louis this whole time, but in this time I have met people from Cuba, Bhutan, Nepal, Ethiopia, Iraq, Vietnam, the list goes on.  I love living here in St. Louis doing what I do.  So where ever you are try to experience cultures around you.  You too can go around the world in your city.

Thursday, September 16, 2010


IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME, YOU WOULD KNOW....that I really long to be accepted,  I want people to love and approve of me.  I do care what people think, and I often feel like a burden to those around me.  In addressing acceptance I want you to follow me on here!!!  Come one, come all!!

Also if you really knew me you would know that at one point in my life I didn't shave my legs for over 6 YEARS!! Don't judge!!!

Also if you knew me you would know that I pray for my husband sometimes.  I am single, so it may be a little strange.  Husband, if you are out there somewhere know that I am praying for you.  I pray you are encouraged in your soul, and I pray you are making wise choices and praying for me too.  Husband, you are welcome to come at anytime.  I am a huge sinner, so don't be surprised if I don't have it together. 

I know blog friends I am a little weird.  Sorry!!

Monday, September 13, 2010


If you really knew me, you would know...I make some really weird noise in the morning and evening.  Everyone around me hates it, makes fun of me, and yell at me for doing it.  I just have really bad allergies, ALL year round.  I bought some $20 medications the other day, so hopefully in a few days I will see progress.

Also if you really knew me you would know that I try and be tough and hard to hide what's really going on.  I have done this so much and for so long I often don't know how I feel.  The only time I break down is went I get really angry and overwhelmed.  The are a lot of things going on in my life right now and I feel like a breaking point is on its way.  I am trying to seek the Lord in prayer constantly but its getting hard.  Be in prayer.

Saturday, September 11, 2010


IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME, YOU WOULD KNOW....that I have a really strong desire to get married, and if that day ever happens, I want to be able to sit on the back porch with that guy, smoke a cigar and drink a glass of wine!!!!

Today was a pretty good day.  I woke up at my dear friend Sarah's, went to counseling, saw my dear friend Kelli, went to the art show with some crazy kids I work with ( I love them), went to church with my mother and ate sushi after, lastly I sat on the back porch alone with my Cuban cigar from my dear friend Jennifer, and mascato wine. What a great day!!!!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010


FYI:  I am doing this only to fill you all in on my life, from the inside out.   I want to be transparent and humble with you but I am not looking for encouragement.  I am aware that a lot of the things that I will share may be lies from the enemy and are things I am working through in my life.  I know many people who read my blog truly love me and care for me, and I am aware of that but you don't need to tell me I am ok when  I think I am not.  Now that I got that out.

IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME YOU WOULD KNOW....I am a very insecure person and compare myself to most women I interact with.  I don't like the way I look, I hate my thighs, gut, and butt. Regardless of what others may say, this is how I feel.

Monday, September 6, 2010

this entry is going to be similar to me writing in my journey,  I am writing as if its just me and my paper, no one else insight.  Not caring what anyone thinks.  So take a step into the mind of Mary.  Much of what I will post won't make sense and may be all over the place.  Whatever comes out of my mind in these next few min. will be what the post will be about.  I am laying in the bed tired thinking of all the school work I have to do, I am hoping the books I rented online will come in tomorrow because I have some school work that needs to get done.  I really love social work, and I love learning, but my gosh do these teachers give you lots of reading. I do leave my classes praising God because I love school.  Thank you Jesus for this opportunity.  You know what else I love is people, most of the times.  I want to right now thank God for a few people.  I want to thank God for my dad and bother for helping me fix my car today.  What a hassle, it was frustrating and draining.  I thank the Lord that I have transportation, thank you Thompson's.   I thank them for my car and a place to lay my head at night.  This weekend was a great weekend up until me leaving my lights on and my car dying, and me having to buy a new car battery, which I would rather have spent that money else where. I also want to thank the Lord for my friend Jennifer G. The Lord has blessed me with such a great friend and mentor.  I don't even know what to say about her, she has been such a huge blessing in my life and I thank God for here.  I got to hang out with her most of the day Saturday and then I got to go to church after hanging with her,  this may sound weird but my worship with the Lord was enriched because of my time spent with her.  It was awesome.  I could spend everyday with her and not get bored.  I love you Jennifer.  She and her husband also blessed me financially with my Africa trip.  I won't say what they have given me but it was beyond belief.  So thank you.  My pray is that others will have a desire to support me.  I really want to go on this trip.  Sorry if I offended people by posting my support letter on my blog.
One thing that is on my heart right now is that I don't love Jesus well.  A friend asked me if I was struggling or prospering in my relationship with God.  My response kind of scared me.  I said neither, I am just whatever.  I am not struggling but I am not in love with Jesus where I desire to read his word or tell people about him.  I want to be in love with my creator and not just think of him as ok.  He is not ok with me just being ok.  If I was ok, he wouldn't of had to die on the cross for my sins.  He died for me and I shy away from giving him the praise, I fall into disobedience.  I don't love others well.  I am materialistic.  I want more Jesus.  I want to fall in love with you again, and again.  
Lord I have said this week I will sacrifice my life for my family.  I will take care of them if I have to.  I want to, I want to fix these things.  I want to care for people.  I want to sacrifice my life.  But I am scared, lost, and don't know the heck sacrifice even looks like.  But I don't want to be so scared that I will shy away from laying my life down.  Lord not my will but your will be done.  Lord use me in others lives.  If that means I have to live in St. Louis for the rest of my life, I hate to say it, but so be it.  I want the best for others, if that means my desires come second.  Once again I am not sure if I know what I am asking for but let your kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven.  Let your kingdom come in my life.  Today and forever more.  
Lord I pray that I get all the work done this week that I need to.
Lord I pray for quaterlife and Faith that Works Thursday night bible study.  Lord bless both groups, fill the leaders with your spirit, bring people, and let my eight week class go by fast so I can attend Thursday night bible study.  
So I will end with on this note.  On mtv they have this show called "If You Only Knew Me"  I think it one of the best shows on tv.  High school kids answer finishes the statement If you only knew would know...Pretty much these students are the most transparent they have ever been.  I cry every time I watch it. So I think for the next few post I going to add to the statement if you only knew me.  My personal slogan is "Get to know me, BABY!!!"  Some of the things may be weird, funny, sad, gross, whatever. I will start with this one.  
IF YOU ONLY KNEW would know that I am really hate my little ears.  I don't like it when people point them out.  I hate when people look at them,  and don't dare touch them.  

Thursday, August 26, 2010


Dear Blog Readers,

It is with great joy that I write this letter to you. While living in St. Louis these past sixteen months, the Lord has done nothing but pour blessings on me. I am entering my last year of school and in May I will earn my Social Work degree. He has given me the opportunity to work with middle school and high school girls in a broken community here in St. Louis. He has also blessed me with solid friendships and put me in a challenging yet encouraging bible study. I began going to this bible study this summer and the Lord has done great things through it. I have built relationships with women my age as well as godly older women. The bible study is through a Christian non-profit called Faith That Works which was founded by a wonderful woman Terri Stipanovich. Her vision for Christians is to put your faith in action. Her leading this Bible study is one way that Terri puts her faith into action. The organization's mission is to “minister to the needs of women; locally, nationally and around the world”. I have personally received care from Terri and many other older women she has brought on board.

The desires that the Lord has given me and the desires that Terri has for Faith That Works coincide. As a little girl the Lord gave me the desire to go to Africa and it has only increased since then. It is an understatement to say I have a desire to go to Africa. One way that Faith That Works minister's to women around the world is partnering with an organization called International Crisis Aid(ICA) to help fight the alarming growth of the sex trafficking industry. In March 2007, ICA opened our first home for young girls we rescued from a life of forced prostitution in the red light areas (some of the most poverty stricken areas) of Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. We began with 6 girls, but now have 7 Safe Homes in Ethiopia. You can visit Faith That Works is taking a group of women to Addis Ababa, January 8-15, and with much desire and encouragement, I would be blessed to join Terri and other women to serve the in Red Light District and ICA in Ethiopia.

I am needing people to join me in putting our faith into works. I am needing my friends and family to join me both spiritually and financially. I am in great need of prayer as I prepare for this trip. My life is very busy and I want to be faithful in praying and fasting for this trip, so please be in prayer for spiritual disciplines in my life. Be in prayer for Faith That Works and Terri, ICA, Addis and their Safe Homes. Be in prayer that the Lord provides financially for me and others interested in going. In order to go on this trip, I am needing to raise $3,500 not including money I need to pay for vaccinations. My desire is to go above and beyond that price and my hope is that you will join me to raise money to build more Safe Homes for former prostitutes in Addis Ababa. These women and children truly need help, and the Bible commands it as our responsibility as believers to do something about their pain and suffering. He delights in our obedience and willingness to serve in missions.

If you are interested in financially supporting me please make your checks out to Faith That Works and in the memo put Mary Drummond. Mail all financial contributions to Faith That Works offices: 14 Ridgecreek Rd. St. Louis, MO 63141. All donations are tax deductible.

I pray for God's will and thank him for this awesome opportunity to serve and witness to a hurting world, and for your prays and financial support.

Mary Drummond

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Young Life Camp!

I am off to Young Life camp tonight, please be praying that the Lord will save souls.  We are taking about 5 girls and my prayer is that the Lord will save them, and it will effect their lives when they return back home.  Pray for me and the other leaders, that we will speak the truth and they Lord will give us strength to endure.  I will be back on the 8th. I love you all!!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

For Me!

So I just got an encouraging facebook message from a dear friend of mine, she encouraged me to do this blog for me, an outlet.  At the end of her message she said, "now go blog".  Katie thanks for your push and encouragement.  One thing that has been on my heart is how the Lord has been kind to me these past few months.  I have been so blessed and have been given much.  So blessed that I am overwhelmed with what I he has put on my plate.  I am being careful not to ask for him to take this load from me because I know I have been praying for these things for so long, my prayer is that whatever is on my plate, let me do it for his glory, and do it well.  I want to serve my girls well, I want to serve my friends well, I want to serve my family well, I want to do my job well, I want to do school well, I want to do all well.  But its a lot. I have been a little anxious at how much, but I have been filled with so much joy because he is answering my prayers.  I have never been so content in my life and he has given opportunities to speak to close friends who struggle with contentment.  My prayer is that I will be able to handle what the Lord has put in place, and secondly my prayer is that if the Lord takes things away, or if trials come I will still be just as joyful and still content.  Like Paul said in all circumstances I want to be content, in both the good and the hard times.  So join me as I learn to be content. I await for complete peace in the Lord. Shalom!

Monday, July 12, 2010

Needed Update!

Once again I am coming to you with apologies.  I am consistent in updating my blog monthly.  I know you expect more from me and I too as well but honestly I don't know to write about.  So if you ever have request fill free to ask me and I promise at some point I will write about that.  If you have questions or just want to know stance on something let me know. Anyway I am going to give you a quick update on my job and also what the Lord is teaching me.

My job is really going well.  In my last post I talked about the new program that I had been working on, well the Lord has blessed us with two successful weeks.  The first week we had 22 girls show up and three parents.  The second we was a small turn out with 14 girls and 1 parent.  This week we are hoping high numbers. Be praying.  Last week before we started our program I had the opportunity to break up my first fight among the middle school girls.  The next morning I found out that many of my high school girls had a fight that same night.  This really saddens me.  The fighting has not stopped and there have been threads back and forth on facebook.  I have gotten the opportunity to talk with the girls but honestly I don't know what I can say to make it stop.  Please be in prayer that the fighting and facebook conversations will stop.  Pray for reconciliation among the girls and their parents.  And pray for a great turnout this week.  Pray also that we will get more funding to continue on with this program.  If you are interested in donating or know if people who want to donate please email me personally at  our website will be up soon!!!

There are two things in the past month that the Lord has convicted me of and laid on my heart.  One is that I must forgive myself and love myself, this came about through a girls Bible study I have been in this summer.  This is one of the hardest things I think I am going to be walking through.  There is a lot of self-contempt I am needing to deal with in my life.  I need to become a peace with myself so that I then can be at peace with others and God.  I am going to face myself in the mirror as Debbie (Bible study leader) said, and confess, repent, and forgive self.  I don't want to do it because I know it will be hard but I know the result of doing this will be great.  The second conviction came just last night when I was reading "relationships: A Mess Worth Making" by Tim Lane and Paul Tripp and they reminded me of Eph. 4:29-30 about not letting any unwholesome talk come out of my mouth, then I was also reminded of the verse on crude joking.  I am a girl who gossips, can be discouraging with my words, confrontational, bold in a negative way, I can put people down with what I say and how I say it, etc.  The unwholesomeness of my words can go on and on, but the Lord convicted me and I want my speech to be uplifting and encouraging, loving, gracious, and patient, kind, honest, and Christ centered.  I know I will fail over and over again but I am seeking to be like Christ.  Often when I think of your body is a temple, I think of being sexual pure (which I have fallen short in), or living in a manner that honors your body (which I have fallen short in), but I last night I got a feeling that that verse also means taming our speech, because our body is a temple and is owned my God we are to honor it in our speech as well.  So help me out, join me, and encourage me as I try to tame this wicked tongue.

I will leave you with this verse which has been an encouragement to me:
"Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Romans 7:24-25a

Thursday, June 10, 2010

I am just filled with joy this week, as I think about what the Lord is doing in my life.  Sometimes, not often enough I drive in the car and just pray out loud to my God.  Just the other day I got to do this and I was filled with so much joy.  I am just amazed at what the Lord is doing in my life and the many blessings He is providing.  One great blessing is I got a car.  A wonderful family who I live with blessed me and bought me a car.  Thank you Thompson's, you have been such a gift to me.  This will take such a burden off me and them, and has been something I prayed for, for quite sometime.

Also a few post ago I commented on possible building my own non-profit.  The Lord kinda put a tug in my heart with the help of some wisdom, to just slow down.  Though it may be quite sometime before I run my own non-profit, I have had the freedom with the non-profit I already work for, to build some programs for them.  In a few weeks I will launch this program.  So instead of trying to do my own thing, I am building programs for an already existing organization and just seeing what the Lord does through this.  If you live in St. Louis and would like to donate time and money, or if you live outside of St. Louis and want to donate money for a great cause (how many times have you heard that?) But really I have big hopes for what can be done where I work.

Let me just explain the who, what, when, where of what I do and what I am planning on doing,

I will start with the what the heck do I do?  I have been working for this Christian non-profit (Hope Unlimited) for the last four months, and honestly I get paid to hang out with middles school and high school girls.  We do various activities, like going to the park, to lunch, swimming, we are going to the circus next week, etc.  I just felt like the Lord was calling me to do more with these girls.  A few months ago I went to Chicago and met up with an old friend from high school.  She is doing great things for young girls in Chicago and I was just really inspired to do similar things with my girls.  She did cooking classes and thought girls how to make skirts, and teaching them life lessons about what is means to be a woman.  I was like man, I need to bring up some of my older girls to do this program with you.  I was so excited and when I went back told the girls I worked with that I wanted to take them to Chicago to do this program.  Because my friend is traveling back and forth from Chicago the trip kind of fell through.  I thought just because I can't take these girls to Chicago, and just because I am not the chef (which she is), or just because I can't sew anything, doesn't mean I can't something similar.  So I decided to implement this same program here in St. Louis, just use my resources to do so.  I know artist, designers, and chefs.  So then I built this weekend program and pitched it to my board, they approved.  Then a few weeks later the Lord brought three different women in my life, which I wrote about two in past post, and another came on board.  With their help this program grew bigger and bigger.  Not its not just a weekend but its going to be on going programs built around these young women.  Programs that will enhance and encourage them in life and in the Lord.  The program is called The Art of Living.  So fill free to ask me how things are going.

So after I just explained the what, let me tell you a little more of the who?  I work with middle school and high school girls in Kirkwood, Missouri in a little neighborhood called Meachem Park, these kids are involved in or exposed to everything under the sun.  Yet they are exposed to so little positive influence, and they don't experience lift outside their little closed off box.  Like St. Louis as a whole Kirkwood is a very segregated place and because of some violence between the two communities in past few years it has become worse.  Their are organizations that has been put in place to change this.  What I think our organization is doing differently then other organizations in Kirkwood is reaching the youth.  I want to go a step farther with beyond hanging out, encouraging them, and being a friend in a tough situation.  I want to give them a taste of something greater then what the have been brought up to know.  I am going to end there because I just wrote a book.  Love all my readers.  You all are far more faithful then I am, sorry.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010


I would first like to give a big congrats to my baby sister Dio for graduating high school.  Many of my readers may not know me, but not only is it always exciting for a sibling to graduate but for my family this year is a major stepping stone.  My younger sister is the youngest of 9.  So therefore she is the last one to graduate high school. Thats a big deal.  This will be my last high school graduation until my oldest nephew graduates in 11 years.  Crazy!! So also want to say congrats to my parents.  I love them both dearly.  

I am not too good at this blogging thing.  I just don't know what to write about.  I don't know what interest people.  I wonder if people want to read some profound stuff( which I can't offer) or do they want to settle for reading stuff about my boring life? Because of that I give you all nothing.  Nothing at all, and I am sorry for that.  I was talking with my friend Loren the other day about something and she thought I should share it with blog friends.  At first I wasn't sure if I wanted to share it with you all because its so fresh.  But anyway I have decided to share this adventure with you all. This is something that I think is both profound and its about me.  Its something that I have deep passion for and pray it goes far. Anyway here it is. 

So I work part-time for this Christian non-profit with young girls in a community here in St. Louis.  Each girl I interact with is very dear to my heart.  I am also one person trying to care for a good number of girls.  This is something that I have been doing for the past 4 months.  I have thought of ways to better care for these girls and ways to preach the gospel to them as well.  But it has been kinda hard.  I often think I am not doing a good job. Hanging out with them is not enough.  So I try to come up with these great ideas and many time they have fallen through. 

 Last week the Lord brought two women into my life and it was an instant connection.   They both had desires to build into this community, so we decided to build a partnership. We have joined together to come up with great ideas to build into this community of girls and parents.  I have always wanted to start and run my own non-profit and its kinda happening.  I mean we have only met twice and we have come up with a name for the group, we are coming up with some fundraisers, we have ideas of what we are going to teach these girls.  But pretty much its an organization that enriches women lives.  From young ladies to mothers.  So there will be three things going on at once.  I will be the spiritual leader, then we have someone teaching them life lessons which I will also help out with, then we have my other partner focusing on mothers/caregivers.  Helping them be the best parents they can be to their teens.  There is so much I can't even go into great detail, so just take the overview for right now.  This is something I am passionate about and as I talked with my girls about it, they to are excited as well.  My prayer is that this program will build into these girls, who will then build into the community and make it a better place for them and others to live.  

So for my readers if you have any suggestions or ideas about topics, activities, arts and crafts, fundraiser ideas.  I would love to get those.  I want this to go far.  I will keep you posted on how things pan out. 

Sunday, May 23, 2010


I am really annoyed with right now.  I tried to log on to facebook and long behold I couldn't.  My account apparently does not exist.  What happened?  Can anyone tell me?  All my contacts and all my pictures.  How does your facebook just disappear?  What the heck.  For all my followers I know I need to write something for you all.  I want to give you all something good, something original, something real.  I have no idea what that is but wait to see.

Friday, May 14, 2010


I am looking for some work this summer.  If anyone is interested in hiring me, or know a job that you think would interest me please comment.  I am a social work major so ideally something that would help me become a better social worker would be great.  I love teens, the elderly, families.  I love people from all different walks of life.  People from other countries make me really happy.  Anyone who finds me a job I will take them out to a really nice dinner my first pay check.  I am looking for work in St. Louis!!!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Jesus is the True and Better:

My pastor Darrin Patrick at The Journey St. Louis shared this with us this Sunday and I found it very encouraging. I often find it hard to find Jesus throughout the Bible and we are often taught that He is talked about in both the Old and New Testaments. Here is what my pastor shared:

Jesus is the true and better:
Jesus is the true and better Adam who passed the test in the garden and whose obedience is imputed to us.
Jesus is the true and better Abel who, though innocently slain, has blood now that cries out, not for our condemnation, but for acquittal.

Jesus is the true and better Abraham who answered the call of God to leave all the comfortable and familiar and go out into the void not knowing wither he went to create a new people of God.

Jesus is the true and better Isaac who was not just offered up by his father on the mount but was truly sacrificed for us. And when God said to Abraham, “Now I know you love me because you did not withhold your son, your only son whom you love from me,” now we can look at God taking his son up the mountain and sacrificing him and say, “Now we know that you love us because you did not withhold your son, your only son, whom you love from us.”

Jesus is the true and better Jacob who wrestled and took the blow of justice we deserved, so we, like Jacob, only receive the wounds of grace to wake us up and discipline us.

Jesus is the true and better Joseph who, at the right hand of the king, forgives those who betrayed and sold him and uses his new power to save them.

Jesus is the true and better Moses who stands in the gap between the people and the Lord and who mediates a new covenant.

Jesus is the true and better Rock of Moses who, struck with the rod of God’s justice, now gives us water in the desert.

Jesus is the true and better Job, the truly innocent sufferer, who then intercedes for and saves his stupid friends.

Jesus is the true and better David whose victory becomes his people’s victory, though they never lifted a stone to accomplish it themselves.

Jesus is the true and better Esther who didn’t just risk leaving an earthly palace but lost the ultimate and heavenly one, who didn’t just risk his life, but gave his life to save his people.

Jesus is the true and better Jonah who was cast out into the storm so that we could be brought in.

Jesus is the real Rock of Moses, the real Passover Lamb, innocent, perfect, helpless, slain so the angel of death will pass over us.
He’s the true temple, the true prophet, the true priest, the true king, the true sacrifice, the true lamb, the true light, the true bread.
The whole Bible is about Him. 

Monday, May 10, 2010

Are there any eligible black men?

Many people may read this title and wonder what the heck I am getting into today. I have a desire to write a book and today I am going to take you into a topic that I want to address in my book. I was hanging out with a White friend the other day and she asked if I thought there was a shortage of African American Christian men, and if so if it was discouraging. My response was yes to the first part and no to the second part. But I wish I would have answered differently. I took the second part as if I was discouraged because there were a short of Black Christian men for me to date. And to that question I say not really because I wouldn't mind dating outside my race. I don't have a preference when it comes to dating. But overall when I look beyond my preference to date, I am discouraged at the fact that there are not many solid (Christian) black men out there.  According to 2005 Census Bureau statistics, the male African-American population of the United States aged between 18 and 24 numbered 1,896,000. According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, 106,000 African-Americans in this age group were in federal or state prisons at the end of 2005 ( That same article states that over 35% of AA males will be arrested in their lifetime. There may be a million more who don't gain a college degree. And statistically AA women who gain college degrees are less likely to marry within her race because AA men are not as educationally compatible. I would say there is a great chance a AA  her docterate to find a AA man then a christian AA woman to find a solid Christan man. This is one reason the Lord gave me a desire to write a book. I don't see many African American Christian leaders out there, men or women. I am not going to go as far as to say there are not any, I am aware of some of them. Tony Carter is one, who is a pastor in Atlanta. But I do believe there is a great need for the gospel in urban communities and a great need for black male leaders to lead in churches and communities. I am not going to exclude women like myself, because there is a shortage of black Christian women. Out of all the godly women I look up to, there are only a hand full who is black women, Lorato, Mrs. Williams, Trill, Mrs. Baker and some family members. Thank you all for being great examples. I work in a community with young Black girls and I asked them what they expected from me, and to my surprise one of them said a mother figure. I was like wow I can't live up to that, why would she even say that. I was shocked and just nodded, and was hoping she really didn't mean it. When I was her age I wanted the exact same thing, and at that age the Lord blessed with many mother figures. I got the opportunity to see one tonight conduct her last high school orchestra. I was the age of this girl who asked me to be her mother figure, and my teacher was the age that I am now. She was a great influence in my life then and she still is now. At 22 or 23 she was a mother figure to me. I sent her to Mars and back, Kelly thank you for making a difference in my life. I just kind of went off the topic but my point is that we need people like my teacher who though was not Black stepped into my life and cared for me and who still is present in my life. I want this to be me; I want to encourage black men and women to be this in our communities, I want Blacks to boldly profess the gospel in their schools and communities. I want Black men to lead in churches and marriages. I want to have many examples of godly black couples like my friend Lorato and her husband. I want to see an abundance of Black Christian men and women. I don't want to be discouraged when I am asked if there are any eligible black men. I want to say proudly, yes there are eligible black men, and I am encouraged. Now some whites and other races may not know this but most black people grew up in the church. But the sad thing, like many people in all races who grew up in the church, there are many who have false assurance. I want my fellow Blacks to get into church, and churches that preach the gospel.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

3 of 3

Austin asked me to write about my experience in Knoxville and Cornerstone as a minority. This is going to be short and to the point.

I have been the minority every single day of my life. So going to Knoxville wasn’t any difference. When I was younger up to my early teens I went to an all Black Baptist church but early on in high school I started to attend an all white Presbyterian church and through that I became a believer. Not because they were white or because I was going to a Presbyterian church but because I was surrounded my truth, and particularly truth and care from my dear friend Kelli Wilmot and former youth group leader. So from that day on not because of preference but because of where the Lord led me I attended predominately white churches. The Lord has been kind to be and gracious to me to give me a heart that seeks truth and wisdom and that’s what drew me to Cornerstone Church of Knoxville. I didn’t care if there was 1% or 80% minorities, I was eager for truth. At CCK I learned and grew a ton. It is a solid and gospel centered church and that’s what I wanted and needed.

I do have a desire to attend a church where truth is spoken and the people are diverse. My prayer is that I will see that before Christ comes back but I do have faith that if not on this earth it will be so in Heaven. I wait that day.

In closing my four years in Knoxville where by far some of the best four years of my life and that was because I was a part of such a great, solid, Christian community. I love and miss my family at CCK!!!

2 of 3

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

1 of 3

I am so sorry it has taken me so long to post. I get so caught up in life, the last thing I have time to do is to blog. Today I am going to answer three request from Katie M., Jill, and Austin. This is the first of three blogs today and I will answer each request in a different blog.

As a side note before I answer Katie’s request any girls who attended the women’s conference in Knoxville please post your comments, I have heard great things about it and I am looking forward to listening to all of Carolyn McCulley’s messages. If you were not in attendance or have no idea who Carolyn McCulley is please look her up. She is a great godly example of what it looks like to walk out this life biblically as a single but most importantly as a women called by God.

So Katie asked my what is my timeline in reference to school, life, and my book. I have been in college for about 20 years now, not really that long but for about five total years and I have yet to finish my undergraduate. There have been many times where I have found myself discouraged because I have not finished my degree yet but you know the Lord has been gracious in this time. Anyway, I will be finished with my social work degree next May and I plan to either continue on to get my MSW or move to Africa to work with Campus Crusade. Right now I am leaning more towards my MSW. I also plan to be married, working on my first child. Okay I am lying, because I am single and contently so I am not headed towards that direction anytime soon. Also I am working as a girls director in this community here in St. Louis and I am just wanting to feed into these girls lives more and more each week. I pray my heart for them will continue to grow.

With the book Katie, sadly to say I have not done much at all. This summer I plan to be writing a lot with the book, please be encouraging me to do so. I also plan to read good books like Carolyn’s fairly new book Radical Womanhood: Feminine Faith in a Feminist World . I think this book will be a good resource for my book.

Carolyn's website-
Her book-
Her messages from knoxville conference-

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

A Day in The Life of Me!

I guess Joanna is the only person who is really interested in asking me to discuss a certain topic. Joanna you are by far my favorite blog friend.

Each day of the week tends to look pretty much the same every week. So Joanna I will write about my typical Tuesday and the funny thing is that today for the most part looked the same, but there was some change. Tuesdays I wake up take kids to school, head to counseling, and I have two classes. One of my classes is a lab class and we get to go explore different agencies. I think this is my favorite class so far, I am learning so much about many agencies in St. Louis and learning what I want to do when I am done with school. For many who don't know and I am a Social Worker student in St. Louis.

Today I started my day out with some counseling. As aside note, every time I leave counseling I call my dear friend Loren, but today I got the opportunity to talk with her before going. This is one blessing for today. But I want to take you all inside my counseling session today. It was interesting. I can't exactly remember what lead to this but for some reason there was a picture that popped in my head while sitting there and I shared it with my counselor and she asked me to draw it out. I wish I could show it to you all. I am a horrible artist. This picture was a depiction of my life. It was me in this cold dark box chained and naked. The box was chained on the inside at least that was my perception of it. And on the outside it was easy for people to walk in. The person who is chained represents me. On the outside of the box there were all the people around me whom I have come into contact with, and on top were the people and situations who put me in the box. Then there was a sun and a moon which represented two things. One the people whom have taken time to get to know me and whom I have allowed in the box and it also represents how people perceive me. So the people who are surrounded by the box see these beautiful clouds and this sun, so they don't even perceive the rain and thunderstorm that comes from that cloud sometimes. This is an interesting thought process that I had which was very vivid in my mind this morning. My desire is for people to dig deeper and get to know me and a deeper level and my heart also is that I will become more transparent.

Today I was exposed and humbled. A few weeks ago I applied for my last year as a social work student and was supposed to find out about if I was accepted last week. I did not receive a letter to say if I was accepted or not. So I called the school and they asked me to come in for a meeting. I was very anxious but prayed about it some on the way to school. I tried to think of all the things they could address and what they addressed is not even close to what I ever would have imagined. I was in a sense rebuked and disciplined by two professors. I was so encouraged and humbled. They pretty much said you need to calm down, and you may be prideful. I am not meek, and I do not have a gentle and quiet spirit and they pointed that out today. I am forever grateful for those women who pointed that out to me and pray that I will seek to become more humble.

Also today for my lab we went to this place called The Urban Cafe which is located at St. Louis Ave. and 14th street in St. Louis and I encourage all of St. Louis and visitors to go and check them out and support their wonderful cause. All their proceeds go to better the community which it is located. They have great food as well.

My day is not done, now I get to go to a soccer game for my favorite 16 year old and then get to  sit outside and have a glass of wine with a good friend.

Monday, April 5, 2010

You Tell Me!

So this week I want my readers to tell me what they want me to write about.  So if you want to comment on my post or email me your request I will pick a topic and write about it.  You can ask a question or pick a topic. Any topic, any question. I may decide to answer one, some, or all.  Be creative or not but know that you are in control.  If everyone fails to respond that will show me that no one cares about my writing and I need to shut down the blog.  I love you all and thanks for following my blog.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

"All My Single Ladies"

Sorry for the delayed post. It has been along time coming. I have been busy, lazy, and out of town and that’s why I have not posted in the past few weeks.

This topic has been on my heart for sometime. As a single woman I have battled with thoughts about wanting to grow in femininity for the sake of marriage. I have had the thoughts, "If only I grew in ______, then I will be able to serve my husband and family one day". Has these words ever came out of your mouth? If so this is for you. I have a strong since that our motivation to grow in godliness should not be to serve our future husbands and families. I think Christ has a greater purpose and that is himself. We have always heard, we serve a jealous God. If that is the case, our motivation should be Christ and Christ alone and not a husband and/or family. If we are called to be pure, holy, servants, stewards, caretakers, loving, generous, caring, compassionate, its not because we are called to be these because it will best serve our husbands, but solely because it glorifies Christ. These things will serve your husbands, NO DOUBT but your husbands should not be the motivation to get you to grow in godliness. Also if we are called to be grow in biblical femininity its not just for the future but Christ calls us to be this way rather we are single, married, older or younger. No matter what season of life you are in you are called to be wise, godly women of God. This is a command as a believer not just for the sake to serve others but Christ and an out pour of that is that you will be able to better server others.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

"Keep it 100"

So I work with middle school and high school girls and one of them are always saying, "Just keep it 100 man, I keep it 100". Which means be real, don't pay games, and don't lie. I was going to write a post titled "All My Single Ladies(and men)", but I will save that for the next post. I am gone keep it 100 with you all.  Learn more about my past present and future struggles.

So I was a broken little girl, without giving any detail because too much detail will reveal too much about other people and thats not my intentions.  But I hate the world and for a long time I wanted an escape.  I often cried out to the Lord but I felt he was distant.  I put him to the test, I said, "Lord reveal yourself to me or else I am going to take my life". Dangerous,  I know, but he revealed himself in away that was loud and clear.  It was not a pretty picture but it was clear and my life changed from that day on.  He saved my soul when I was 15.  I was on fire for Christ but it only lasted a season.  About a year later I started to experience with drinking and the occasional weed pipe.  I loved my life but hated it.  It was a war in my soul.  Every night after getting drunk I would go home and say, "Lord part of me wants to quit because I know I am rebelling but the other part of me enjoys it".  My life was a roller coaster, I would party for a month, and then stop because I was "convicted" then I would party.  Then the Lord changed my heart my second semester of my senior year in high school and I didn't drink until I became 21.  Little did I know that drunkenness would creep back up again.  It has many times and for a while I would get down on myself and it would lead to being very inward and to a harden heart.  I have tried to stop drinking for months and then one night would mess that all up.  This is not something that I am struggling with now but it maybe something that I struggle with in the future.  I honestly think sometimes its demonic. The Lord has been gracious to spur me on towards himself and to reveal more of my wicked heart.

Lately I have been struggling with weight.  Actually its not lately, it has been a constant struggle for the past few years.  I have done nothing but gain weight.  I hate it and it sucks.  But a few weeks ago I had this huge break down.  I am not writing this so you would feel sorry for me or so you can contradict my thoughts with different thoughts.  I am just inviting you into my life and my struggles.  The Lord has been kind to me and I have not been to inward in the past few weeks.  Or maybe I am just not dwelling on my weight as much as I was.  I think it will be a struggle for a while I just want my gaze and my focus to be on Christ.

These are just a few things that I am trying to walk out in my personal relationship with the Lord, and in counseling even though weekly I ask myself why do I come back.

Be praying that no matter my lot I will run to the Lord.

This post may not have made sense I just wanted to bring you in a little closer to my world. 

Friday, March 12, 2010

Smoking and driving.

I was waiting to pick up kids from school when the school bus soon arrived.  I was looking through my rearview mirrors and saw the bus driver throw out a cigarette.  I thought to myself, "there is seriously something wrong with that picture".  A middle school bus driver should not be smoking on the job.  What does this teach our young students.  Something was just not right about that picture.  I just wanted to share with you all what I saw yesterday.  If you want me to write about anything particular please fill free to let me know. Thanks for following me.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Luke 1!!!

Passages like this makes my soul glad in the Lord.  I have been reading the bible in a year plan and it has been really good for me.  Daily I find out how little I know about the scriptures, but I am always encouraged.  I often make phone calls to my dear friend Loren to gain wisdom from her.  Praise God the Lord has blessed her with great biblical wisdom and a young theologian husband.  

Talking about Loren leads me to Luke 1.  In Luke one we are introduced to two amazing mothers.  Elizabeth, John the Baptist mother, who has just found out she is pregnant in her old age and the second mother who we are introduced to is Mary, the virgin Mary to be more specific, Jesus' mother.  In this chapter Zechariah has been made mute because he didn't trust when God told him that his wife was going to become pregnant in her old age, and Elizabeth is also a little taken back at this fact but yet accepts it. Months later in another village Mary finds out, before getting married, that she is pregnant.  Though the both equally know that their pregnancies are from the Lord, where do they find comfort?  In their husband? No, each other.  Mary travels to visit Elizabeth and when Mary enters the house of Elizabeth it states, "'when Elizabeth heard the greeting of Mary, the baby leaped in her womb. And Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit, and she exclaimed with a loud cry, “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb!  And why is this granted to me that the mother of my Lord should come to me? For behold, when the sound of your greeting came to my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy.  And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord”".   Mary then sings songs of praise(read this).   

This is a beautiful picture of how relationships should look.  I am not saying that women shouldn't go to their husband when they are struggling.  Their primary relationship and guidance should come from their husband.  The point that I am trying to make is that relationships are vital in the church.  We need people who we can go to for comfort, to seek wisdom and guidance from.  Rather you are single, married, old or young, you need a person who is dear to you, a person you can call a friend. 

I think often women forfeit relationships when they get married, change locations, or have different seasons in lives, but I don't think thats how it should be.  I would maybe even say that relationships with friends should only grow when life situations change.  Also in Titus 2 it says, "Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good,  and so train the young women to love their husbands and children,  to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled". This is a call for older women to step up in the church and lead the younger women to be godly young women.  Older women step up and pursue younger women, they need you and are wanting to learn from you.  Younger women, pursue an older women, seek wisdom.  Outdo one another in pursuing.

Lastly I am dedicating this post to my Elizabeth, Loren Jessica Simmons.  Loren you are dear to my soul and I thank God for you.  Tonight before the best actor and actress was announced a person who was dear to all the nominated actors and actresses got on stage and gave a small speech.  If that was me standing up there giving a speech for my dear friend Loren I would say, "Loren, I never thought it was possible to find a friend that would be so dear to my heart, a person who loves and cares for people without expecting anything back.  She cares for many people on a daily basis without receiving the same care.  She has a heart bigger then most people you will ever meet.  She is kind, slow to anger, slow to speak, patient, always has kind words to say about people.  She loves her family they way I long to one day.  She is content in all situations.  And she is one of the funniest people I know." I love you and respect you a lot. There are many more I can name my dear St. Louis crew, my Knoxville crew and my dear friend Lorato in ATL. I love you all dearly and I am forever grateful for you all. 

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

What to talk about?

Well honestly I don't know what to talk about today. So I am going to post something that I wrote for a class. This is a very true story that happened to me and really affected me.  This is the hardest racial thing that I have had to deal with thus far in my life:

  It was that time of the year, crisp trees, cold air, long pants and jackets. The time of year when people hang bright lights outside their homes and when family’s head to the local farm to cut down large trees to put in their homes.  Its the time of year that everyone looks forward to, even me, its one of my favorite times of the year, Christmas season!  This Christmas season for me was quite different, the way I felt this time was not the same that I felt in the past.  This day when most are happy, I was sad, the day where people felt loved, and I felt lonely.  A night that I never want to live again.
      It was fun and laughter on the drive down from Knoxville, Tennessee to Athens Tennessee, Jake and Bethany‘s home town.  There was a trail of about  seven cars ,twenty plus people all headed down to Christmas in the square!  This is Athens annual town gathering in the towns square where many families and friends gather. They had hot drinks, homemade cookies, Christmas carols, and the fresh smell of pine trees.  Oh yeah and antique shops, I love antiques shops, at least I did until now.
      I feel alone, no one understands, no one can possibly comfort me at this point.  Am I the only one who  seems to even care, they are just going on their marry way having  a good jolly ole time, enjoying the Christmas season.  Not me, I hate my life right now, I hate the people around me, I want to sink into a dark whole and weep.  What just happened to me has never happened to me before in my life, I have never felt like such an outcast. These are the thoughts that ran through my head after we left the antique shop.
      We walked into the antique shop, glitz and glamour, where do we start?  I looked around at the old antique jewelry, I love old jewelry, the big shiny earrings or the thick bracelets, I wanted it all.  Then the hats caught me eye, I anxiously walked over to the hats and picked out many hats and tried them all on. “Loren, do you like this hat on me?” she laughs and jokingly responds, “You should so get that, I love it”. I walked around the store looking glamorous in this blue laced cap. I then wanted to try on warm old mink coats, I looked like a 1960’s diva.  We were all acting  silly trying on old hats, coats and jewelry, all laughing and enjoying ourselves.  We then decided to leave, as we stood out side planning our next stop, freezing, standing very close to one another, then walks up Katie, “Mary, a man in the store is asking for you,” I reply, “I don’t care, I don’t know him, I am not going to go talk to a stranger”.  Suzanne rapidly walks my way, “Mary, he says you better come back or else you are in trouble”, at this time I am so confused, my face went from glowing to a harsh gaze. I have no idea what’s going on, then walks out an older white man. “ What is in your pockets, I work for the cops and if you do not give it up right now, you will go to jail”, all eyes on me, “ What are you talking about, my gloves are in my pocket”.  “I saw you with that hat, young lady, give it back” I am furious inside, “I put everything back, it’s in the store”, he replies, “show it to me, then”.   At this point everyone around me are looking at me as if I was guilty, even my friends.  With an attitude on my face and a heavy feet hitting the ground, I walk in the store and hand the man the hat, then he says, “well that’s not where it belongs”. Do I not get a thank you or sorry for wrongly accusing you I thought then said,  “well excuse me this is an antique store, nothing is in a specific place”.  I have never felt so alone in my life, I wanted to break down and cry. 
      Prior to this occurrence I was happy, enjoying the hot chocolate, the live reindeers, and great conversations with my closest friends.  Then this happens and my whole world changes, I couldn’t even discuss things with my best friend, she wouldn’t understand me. No one did.  I just wanted to hear my dads voice, of course he could bring me comfort, so I dialed, ring, ring, ring, “you have reached the voicemail of ***-***-****”, then I hung up. “You have to be kidding me, where the hell is he”, I thought, then I dialed again, ring, ring, “Hello darling, how are you doing?”, “Dad what are you doing? Where are you?”, as if everything was ok, “I am at home doing nothing, what are you doing?”.  “Dad I am ready to come home, I hate this place”, with a fearful voice he replies, “What happened?”.  Then I explained to him what had just happened, trying to keep from crying.  I couldn’t believe what just came out his mouth, “Mary, how many times do I have to tell you to not go to these types of places with these people, if they were your friend they wouldn’t take you there”. I thought to myself, “these people” he is talking about are my friends, frustrated I said, “My friends didn’t know this was going to happen, I feel so alone”.  In one breath I wanted to defend my friends, but in the next, I wanted nothing to do with them. 
      On the drive back from Athens to Knoxville was a silent drive for me.  I set in the back analyzing everything in my head, over and over.  “What’s in your pocket?”, “Show it to me then”.  This old white face kept appearing in my head.
      The next day didn’t feel any different, I woke up feeling sorry for myself, feeling angry, and with hatred.  I got up got ready for church looking in the same mirror as my white roommates, “Is this outfit okay”, Loren ask, “Sure”,  I replied only thinking about what happened to me the night before.  Then off to church, the whole two hour service, all I thought about was how it was not fair to be treated that way.  “I did nothing wrong”, I thought, “Why did they single me out when everyone else was doing exactly what I was doing?” “Why me? Why me?”.  “Amen”, pastor Bill completed, church was over, I had no idea what he talked about. Jake’s mother, Mrs. Simmons sent people out to find me after church, I knew exactly what she wanted to discuss.  I then went to find her, before any words were exchanged, she hugged me.  I wept on her shoulders, tears rapidly rolling down my face.  “I am so sorry Mary, that was wrong of him, you did nothing wrong”, I couldn’t even respond.  Mr. Simmons walked up, humbly took out his handkerchief, I sadly took as I wiped the tears of  shame, guilt, and loneliness away.  I am loved, and these people are my family.  Hell with that man who made me feel that way.  Hell  with him.

Monday, March 1, 2010


So this blog may cause an uproar, but I want to gain insight and get people talking.  Please fill free to educate me because I am not too knowledgeable about this topic. 

I have gone to many churches in which I respect but lately I have questioned the mentioning of Puritans in general. Sure they have had great things to say about Christ and Christianity, and I am grateful  they brought the gospel to the America's BUT are they not the blame for much of the injustice in the America's? Are they not the blame for American Indians having to get citizenship in their home country in the 20s?  Are they not to blame for slavery in the states?  If I am wrong please correct me. But if I am correct please explain why in all these churches do we look up to them and try to mirror them?  Do we just follow what they say and forget their actions? Maybe, we do, but this makes me want to draw closer to scripture and not man made literature.  But as I write this I am kind of contradicting myself.  I have a desire to write a book, and want to encourage people and lead them to Christ but yet I am a wicked sinner who have done wicked things?  Does that mean people shouldn't listen to me, or does that mean I shouldn't write a book?  

If you read this post please comment, I want to know your thoughts? 

Sunday, February 28, 2010


This is my second post within 20 min. or less. If you have not read my first post please do. Its the introduction to this whole thing. 

Today I went to church, which I like to do most weeks. Anyway, I had a revelation.  So if you are a Christian you have heard the gospel.  Jesus came down from Heaven to take the form of a poor man.  He lived a perfect life, was beaten beyond what we can imagine and murdered on a cross.  Three days later he ROSE from the dead, (which he stated many times).  Why? Because we all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God as scriptures stated.  Our sin deserves death and eternal punishment.  But, because Christ death on the cross, He has paid it all. He said, "It is finished". How great is our God?!?! So that is the gospel. Christ died so that we may live. So here is the Revelation I got today from the messages spoken at Church.  Because he died on the cross I have just accepted that as the truth that saves me from eternal punishment, my key to know God and my reward.  But today for the first time it went beyond what He did for me but how His death is sacrifice is an example for me to live the SAME way.  I have heard it and even said that he is an example for me but today I really grasp what that mean.  As it says in Matt. 20:28 :the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many".  This is what Christ did for us but this is also a mandate to us. We are called to literally die to self, serve others and give our life as a ransom for many.  If you are anything like me, you have fallen short.  This is not new to me, but it has become more real to me today then it has ever.  So join me as I strive to be like Christ, giving my life as a ransom for many.

I Don't Know

I have thought long and hard about getting a blog, but it has taken me months to actually do it. I just don't know what I am getting myself into. You will soon find out that I am not the best grammatically. I write how I communicate verbally, which most people do, but I don't talk well, at all. Often my friend Dana criticizes my poor grammar when I text. And I am sure that will not be much different in my blogging.

Now you maybe wondering, "Why does she have a blog then"? I am wondering the same thing. A few months ago I decided that I would write a book. As we go along with this blog I will give you more info about how that is going, or not going. When I started to write this book, many people encouraged me to get a blog. Honestly I am at a road block trying to figure out if this is a wise decision. I often wonder if people will think I have good things to say as much as I think I do. Or if I am able to write a fairly good book. Though my heart is in the right place and I just don't know if I am the person to write such a book.

My hopes for this blog is for you all to get to know me, my desires, Jesus and Christianity, Social Work, and my life. This blog does not one direction, its all encompassing. You will get to take a step into my brain and life. Anything goes here, anything. So join me as I take you on this journey. You can message me and ask me any questions and I will do my best to answer. If I don't have the answer I will do my best to find it. My desire through this is to figure out if I can be a writer, so it would be helpful if you guys would give me some insight on my writing.