Friday, August 12, 2011

Are you a "Devils Advocate"?

Today I was talking to a friend and something hit me. Since being in this evaluation time I am finding myself evaluating sayings I have said for years.  As I was thinking of how to challenge my friend in what she was communicating with me about I thought I want to be the "Devils Advocate" and right before I was going to type it (we were on g-chat. The 2011 way of communicating) I thought to self, "devils advocate really" I then randomly messaged my friend and was like you know the saying "devils advocate" she replied, "why, yes". It took me a few seconds to write back because for the first time in my 24 years I questioned that saying. I know its just a saying but is it really. And I know people will say, "does it really matter Mary, get over yourself," and as people say it I am already over myself. Though its just a saying I want to eliminate sayings like that out of my vocabulary. I am an advocate of Christ, not the devils advocate. A few years ago as many of my blog readers know I attempted writing a book, which is still my desire but I am giving myself 10 years. Anyway one of the things I was writing is how crazy it is how so many non-christians in America confess the name of God. Now some may wonder how but check this out. "One Nation under God, with liberty and justice for all" Under who? God.  Our currency states, "In God we trust". What about when people sneeze, even non-believers say, "God, bless you". Those are just a few examples, but just like saying "devils advocate," God is praised by those who say they don't believe. I dare us not use language and sayings that would contradict what we believe. I am first to admit that I fail. This goes for Christians, Atheists, and Jews. Those of all creeds. Just a thought. 

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

"Don't let me forget to tell you..."

I say this every time I write that I do not know what I am going to write about before doing so.  But this time I do. I was having dinner with a new friend of mine and asked her what I should write about, just asking that question gave me my answer. I was like I am going to write about you.  She was like no you are not. She is going to kill me for doing this, but I told her I would.  I have known her less then two months, but it seems like FOREVER.  Anyone who have talked with me in the past few weeks have heard me rip and rave on her.  

This lady has come at a vital point in my life.  Last post I talked about reevaluation in my life and I know the Lord is using her in this time for me.  She loves Jesus so much and if you were to have a 5 min conversation with her you would notice.  In a time when I didn't want to discuss Jesus, she has made the gospel so attractive.  She is no fake, and its not super spiritual either, which is what I am trying to not fall into. She just really is transformed by Christ. Everything she does is in light of the gospel. 

Not only does this lady love Christ but she is HILARIOUS. She would blame it on me, but I have never laughed so much in my whole life.  I leave every encounter with her with swollen jaws. When we go in public people look at us because we laugh so much and so loud. The other day we were hanging with some high school girls at Panera (St. Louis Bread Co) and this older man came up to us and was so encouraged at our laughter. Not only is she funny in her home, or in public, but also in text messaging. I don't know if I ever met someone who was hilarious in text messaging. There has been times when I have checked my text messages at inappropriate times, like in VBS or at dinner with someone and I literally laugh out loud. Not ok, I know but she is too much. I save her messages so I can reread them later for good laughs. If you ever meet her do not let her tell you any different. 

Lastly, she always has a great story to tell, she always text me, "don't let me forget to tell you..." every time I am with her I enjoy talking about Jesus, laughing, and hearing great stories.  I hope I can be half the women she is when I get older. I pray the people who read this will find a dear friend like this. They are hard to come by.  I have many close friends, and many godly older women in my life and I wouldn't exchange anyone of you, but this lady is the first older black single christian women I have met and who have taken time to care for my soul.  

Lo, you thought you were the answer to my prayer 6 years ago, but I think she may be the answer. HAHA. I love you so much Lorali and Lo!! I love my dear friends in Knox, and St. Louis, and my Nashville girl!! And my now Dallas girl.


Tuesday, July 19, 2011


I received an email from one of my best friends and it merely said that I needed to write a new blog post. So here I go with this blog post. Like many of my blog postings it has no meaning and it is just my random thoughts flowing as my fingers make the tapping sound on this white key pad.

Yesterday marked a special day for me.  It was the first time in 6 years since I had drunken a SODA. I went to go watch the best/worst TV show (Bachelorette) with a good friend of mine who is moving out of town.  Before going there I had to call my brother because I needed someone to tell me that it was OKAY for me to drink a soda. He gave me the okay to drink the soda but told me not to drink too much.  I started off with a Pepsi, then later a Dr. Pepper. It was weird but great and worth it.

These past few months has been a time of self-evaluation. What does drinking soda have to do with anything? I really have not thought hard and long about it but I think I need to start evaluating why I do things I do, and why I believe the things I believe.  I don't want to continue something in my life just because its routine, or easy. I want to have purpose to my life. So why didn't I drink soda? Well when I went off to college I wanted to have a healthy life style. I wanted to get rid of pimples and I didn't want to gain the freshman 15. Well at 24 I still have pimples and I have gained the 6 year senior 40. It sickens me. So right now in my life not drinking soda doesn't benefit me.

Not only am I evaluating why I didn't drink soda but I am also evaluating my Christian life and my relationships. It was a busy last year of undergrad for me. I was interning, in three bible studies, living with a great family, involved in multiple bible studies a week, volunteering for a christian organization, working, and in counseling.  This all came to an abrupt end.  Honestly I didn't know what to do and did nothing for a while.  God was nowhere to be found in my life. So now in my life is when the evaluation comes. Why was I not following the Lord like I was and then Jesus was nowhere in my daily routine. Why am I loving my sin? Where is this Jesus dude they talk about and why isn't he transforming my life?  I came to realize that though I am a true believer of Christ, like a family member said to me recently, I had been hiding behind the church. I had been hiding behind being "the christian" in my family, and hiding behind godly activities.

I am done hiding. I am done pretending that everything is all great and easy as a Christian. I am done being surprised by my sin and others.  I am done doing the right things just because its in my routine.  I am done saying do this and don't do that even if my heart is not in the right place.  I am done not being transformed by Jesus a lone. I am like every person on this earth in need of Jesus Christ. I need him more now then ever. My prayer daily is that I will be transformed by Jesus not by good works or "christian" activities but Christ alone.

I don't know if this post makes sense to anyone, but it does to me. I need thee oh Lord.

Sunday, May 22, 2011


I am embarrassed to say that the last time I wrote was on my 24th Birthday. I turned 24 in October, that is pretty sad I know.  I think the longer I didn't write the longer I decided I wasn't going to write.  Like stated in my first post I have a desire to write a book one day,  so starting a blog was less intimidating but has obviously been a challenge since its been seven months since writing.  It would be a miracle if I wrote a book.  In the past week two great friends reminded me that I had a blog and then encouraged me to continue. So here I am! I am truly thankful for the encouragement. I don't know how it will turn out, this could be my last blog for another seven months but I really hope not.  This will be a random post of where I have been, where I am, where I am going, and where I want to be.

I was a very busy girl last semester and this semester.  I was a full-time student, I worked, volunteered and interned, I spent time with family and friends.  I visited ETHIOPIA!!! Fell in love with the place, came back and now I am convinced I am one of them.  I had a beautiful new niece who I dearly love. I moved into a new home with two great roommates. I finally graduated from college!! Lots have happened since October, really great things.  I have been really blessed. 

Tonight marks a very interesting moment in my life. 

After a great semester and constantly being busy, everyday was always full of activities.  I can for the first time in a long time say I do not have any set places I have to be.  No school, not internship, no volunteer jobs.  Seriously nothing.  I don't know what to do with my self.  I need this time to do nothing. Honestly I would love to just disappear for a few days, because knowing me having nothing to do will change really fast.  There are still things that I need to get done, and people I want to see who I haven't gotten to see all year.  And though I am so tempted to fill my days up with friends, family, and responsibility.  Its hard for me to set out days just for self.  I so desire to do so.  I wish I had the means to just get up and go.  If I new my car could make it 300 miles and had the finances to just go, I really think I would just disappear.  With zero plans.  But I can't!  

In the fall I will be starting grad school at the University of Missouri St. Louis for my masters in Social Work.  I am sooooooo excited.  But I need a break.  There is this song by rapper Young Jeezy, I need a vacation, and that song is my anthem right now.  I just think I need to be in a season of rest.  I don't know if that season even exist or how long I want it to last.  But not just rest from not doing anything, or sleep, but is still included.  But I also want to just rest in the Lord, and my soul.  I want to be in a season of taking good care of self.  

This summer I want to spend lots of time reading. Right now I am reading the book called The Help by Kathryn Stockett, I am loving this book.  The books that I have started or will start soon is. What Did You Expect?? by Paul David Tripp. This is a book that I would pick up and read before going to counseling and it really made me desire marriage again because I am in a place where marriage and relationships are not that exciting for me.  It is not because I was in a bad relationship or because I don't have good examples of marriage. Honestly I don't really know why it is. It is what it is.  But anyway this book made marriage more real and more desirable.  Radical by David Platt because others have recommended it to me so I am going to try and read it.  Love Wins by Rob Bell is also a most read book for me this summer.  I know many Christians who read my blog will disapprove and that is honestly one of the reasons I want to read his book.  After reading blogs and hearing pastors I respected discount Rob Bell and his book, I was convicted of judging Bell book and him without testing it myself. I think it is so easy for me to judge others from others judgements and I don't think its godly.  Christians who I know who liked the book actually read the book and Christians I know who hate the book and Rob Bell have never thought about picking up the book.  I don't want to be like others who judge a book and have never read it.  These are the books that are currently on the list, I will put updates on new books that I add to the list. 

Anyway, this post may not make any sense, and is pretty long.  These are the things that have been on my mind and heart and things I needed to get out.  Most of my post will be me just making random comments that are on my mind.  So follow if you wish.