Tuesday, July 19, 2011


I received an email from one of my best friends and it merely said that I needed to write a new blog post. So here I go with this blog post. Like many of my blog postings it has no meaning and it is just my random thoughts flowing as my fingers make the tapping sound on this white key pad.

Yesterday marked a special day for me.  It was the first time in 6 years since I had drunken a SODA. I went to go watch the best/worst TV show (Bachelorette) with a good friend of mine who is moving out of town.  Before going there I had to call my brother because I needed someone to tell me that it was OKAY for me to drink a soda. He gave me the okay to drink the soda but told me not to drink too much.  I started off with a Pepsi, then later a Dr. Pepper. It was weird but great and worth it.

These past few months has been a time of self-evaluation. What does drinking soda have to do with anything? I really have not thought hard and long about it but I think I need to start evaluating why I do things I do, and why I believe the things I believe.  I don't want to continue something in my life just because its routine, or easy. I want to have purpose to my life. So why didn't I drink soda? Well when I went off to college I wanted to have a healthy life style. I wanted to get rid of pimples and I didn't want to gain the freshman 15. Well at 24 I still have pimples and I have gained the 6 year senior 40. It sickens me. So right now in my life not drinking soda doesn't benefit me.

Not only am I evaluating why I didn't drink soda but I am also evaluating my Christian life and my relationships. It was a busy last year of undergrad for me. I was interning, in three bible studies, living with a great family, involved in multiple bible studies a week, volunteering for a christian organization, working, and in counseling.  This all came to an abrupt end.  Honestly I didn't know what to do and did nothing for a while.  God was nowhere to be found in my life. So now in my life is when the evaluation comes. Why was I not following the Lord like I was and then Jesus was nowhere in my daily routine. Why am I loving my sin? Where is this Jesus dude they talk about and why isn't he transforming my life?  I came to realize that though I am a true believer of Christ, like a family member said to me recently, I had been hiding behind the church. I had been hiding behind being "the christian" in my family, and hiding behind godly activities.

I am done hiding. I am done pretending that everything is all great and easy as a Christian. I am done being surprised by my sin and others.  I am done doing the right things just because its in my routine.  I am done saying do this and don't do that even if my heart is not in the right place.  I am done not being transformed by Jesus a lone. I am like every person on this earth in need of Jesus Christ. I need him more now then ever. My prayer daily is that I will be transformed by Jesus not by good works or "christian" activities but Christ alone.

I don't know if this post makes sense to anyone, but it does to me. I need thee oh Lord.

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