Monday, September 6, 2010

this entry is going to be similar to me writing in my journey,  I am writing as if its just me and my paper, no one else insight.  Not caring what anyone thinks.  So take a step into the mind of Mary.  Much of what I will post won't make sense and may be all over the place.  Whatever comes out of my mind in these next few min. will be what the post will be about.  I am laying in the bed tired thinking of all the school work I have to do, I am hoping the books I rented online will come in tomorrow because I have some school work that needs to get done.  I really love social work, and I love learning, but my gosh do these teachers give you lots of reading. I do leave my classes praising God because I love school.  Thank you Jesus for this opportunity.  You know what else I love is people, most of the times.  I want to right now thank God for a few people.  I want to thank God for my dad and bother for helping me fix my car today.  What a hassle, it was frustrating and draining.  I thank the Lord that I have transportation, thank you Thompson's.   I thank them for my car and a place to lay my head at night.  This weekend was a great weekend up until me leaving my lights on and my car dying, and me having to buy a new car battery, which I would rather have spent that money else where. I also want to thank the Lord for my friend Jennifer G. The Lord has blessed me with such a great friend and mentor.  I don't even know what to say about her, she has been such a huge blessing in my life and I thank God for here.  I got to hang out with her most of the day Saturday and then I got to go to church after hanging with her,  this may sound weird but my worship with the Lord was enriched because of my time spent with her.  It was awesome.  I could spend everyday with her and not get bored.  I love you Jennifer.  She and her husband also blessed me financially with my Africa trip.  I won't say what they have given me but it was beyond belief.  So thank you.  My pray is that others will have a desire to support me.  I really want to go on this trip.  Sorry if I offended people by posting my support letter on my blog.
One thing that is on my heart right now is that I don't love Jesus well.  A friend asked me if I was struggling or prospering in my relationship with God.  My response kind of scared me.  I said neither, I am just whatever.  I am not struggling but I am not in love with Jesus where I desire to read his word or tell people about him.  I want to be in love with my creator and not just think of him as ok.  He is not ok with me just being ok.  If I was ok, he wouldn't of had to die on the cross for my sins.  He died for me and I shy away from giving him the praise, I fall into disobedience.  I don't love others well.  I am materialistic.  I want more Jesus.  I want to fall in love with you again, and again.  
Lord I have said this week I will sacrifice my life for my family.  I will take care of them if I have to.  I want to, I want to fix these things.  I want to care for people.  I want to sacrifice my life.  But I am scared, lost, and don't know the heck sacrifice even looks like.  But I don't want to be so scared that I will shy away from laying my life down.  Lord not my will but your will be done.  Lord use me in others lives.  If that means I have to live in St. Louis for the rest of my life, I hate to say it, but so be it.  I want the best for others, if that means my desires come second.  Once again I am not sure if I know what I am asking for but let your kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven.  Let your kingdom come in my life.  Today and forever more.  
Lord I pray that I get all the work done this week that I need to.
Lord I pray for quaterlife and Faith that Works Thursday night bible study.  Lord bless both groups, fill the leaders with your spirit, bring people, and let my eight week class go by fast so I can attend Thursday night bible study.  
So I will end with on this note.  On mtv they have this show called "If You Only Knew Me"  I think it one of the best shows on tv.  High school kids answer finishes the statement If you only knew would know...Pretty much these students are the most transparent they have ever been.  I cry every time I watch it. So I think for the next few post I going to add to the statement if you only knew me.  My personal slogan is "Get to know me, BABY!!!"  Some of the things may be weird, funny, sad, gross, whatever. I will start with this one.  
IF YOU ONLY KNEW would know that I am really hate my little ears.  I don't like it when people point them out.  I hate when people look at them,  and don't dare touch them.  

1 comment:

  1. Mary, It was so nice to get to know you a little deeper Saturday. Thanks for sharing. I love your heart for hurting girls and know you will be making a big impact on the community with your social skills. You are a magnet and people are naturally drawn to you. I love the realness about you and your desire for an authentic relationship with the creator. We don't have to be "fixed" for him come into our lives and transform them but we shouldn't "settle" for just ok with him. He is doing a great work in your heart. P.S. I love your ears :)