Around The World

I hope you all have enjoyed getting to know me, I will continue to fill you all in on my life.  I just wanted to let you in on something.  In the past months I have gotten to go around the world.  I have been to so many places and met so many different people.  Now you may be wondering now, where have I been?  I have been in St. Louis this whole time, but in this time I have met people from Cuba, Bhutan, Nepal, Ethiopia, Iraq, Vietnam, the list goes on.  I love living here in St. Louis doing what I do.  So where ever you are try to experience cultures around you.  You too can go around the world in your city.

IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME pt4

IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME, YOU WOULD KNOW....that I really long to be accepted,  I want people to love and approve of me.  I do care what people think, and I often feel like a burden to those around me.  In addressing acceptance I want you to follow me on here!!!  Come one, come all!!

Also if you really knew me you would know that at one point in my life I didn't shave my legs for over 6 YEARS!! Don't judge!!!

Also if you knew me you would know that I pray for my husband sometimes.  I am single, so it may be a little strange.  Husband, if you are out there somewhere know that I am praying for you.  I pray you are encouraged in your soul, and I pray you are making wise choices and praying for me too.  Husband, you are welcome to come at anytime.  I am a huge sinner, so don't be surprised if I don't have it together. 

I know blog friends I am a little weird.  Sorry!!

If YOU ONLY KNEW ME part 4

If you really knew me, you would know...I make some really weird noise in the morning and evening.  Everyone around me hates it, makes fun of me, and yell at me for doing it.  I just have really bad allergies, ALL year round.  I bought some $20 medications the other day, so hopefully in a few days I will see progress.

Also if you really knew me you would know that I try and be tough and hard to hide what's really going on.  I have done this so much and for so long I often don't know how I feel.  The only time I break down is went I get really angry and overwhelmed.  The are a lot of things going on in my life right now and I feel like a breaking point is on its way.  I am trying to seek the Lord in prayer constantly but its getting hard.  Be in prayer.

IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME pt3

IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME, YOU WOULD KNOW....that I have a really strong desire to get married, and if that day ever happens, I want to be able to sit on the back porch with that guy, smoke a cigar and drink a glass of wine!!!!

Today was a pretty good day.  I woke up at my dear friend Sarah's, went to counseling, saw my dear friend Kelli, went to the art show with some crazy kids I work with ( I love them), went to church with my mother and ate sushi after, lastly I sat on the back porch alone with my Cuban cigar from my dear friend Jennifer, and mascato wine. What a great day!!!!

IF YOU ONLY KNEW ME part 2

FYI:  I am doing this only to fill you all in on my life, from the inside out.   I want to be transparent and humble with you but I am not looking for encouragement.  I am aware that a lot of the things that I will share may be lies from the enemy and are things I am working through in my life.  I know many people who read my blog truly love me and care for me, and I am aware of that but you don't need to tell me I am ok when  I think I am not.  Now that I got that out.

IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME YOU WOULD KNOW....I am a very insecure person and compare myself to most women I interact with.  I don't like the way I look, I hate my thighs, gut, and butt. Regardless of what others may say, this is how I feel.

this entry is going to be similar to me writing in my journey,  I am writing as if its just me and my paper, no one else insight.  Not caring what anyone thinks.  So take a step into the mind of Mary.  Much of what I will post won't make sense and may be all over the place.  Whatever comes out of my mind in these next few min. will be what the post will be about.  I am laying in the bed tired thinking of all the school work I have to do, I am hoping the books I rented online will come in tomorrow because I have some school work that needs to get done.  I really love social work, and I love learning, but my gosh do these teachers give you lots of reading. I do leave my classes praising God because I love school.  Thank you Jesus for this opportunity.  You know what else I love is people, most of the times.  I want to right now thank God for a few people.  I want to thank God for my dad and bother for helping me fix my car today.  What a hassle, it was frustrating and draining.  I thank the Lord that I have transportation, thank you Thompson's.   I thank them for my car and a place to lay my head at night.  This weekend was a great weekend up until me leaving my lights on and my car dying, and me having to buy a new car battery, which I would rather have spent that money else where. I also want to thank the Lord for my friend Jennifer G. The Lord has blessed me with such a great friend and mentor.  I don't even know what to say about her, she has been such a huge blessing in my life and I thank God for here.  I got to hang out with her most of the day Saturday and then I got to go to church after hanging with her,  this may sound weird but my worship with the Lord was enriched because of my time spent with her.  It was awesome.  I could spend everyday with her and not get bored.  I love you Jennifer.  She and her husband also blessed me financially with my Africa trip.  I won't say what they have given me but it was beyond belief.  So thank you.  My pray is that others will have a desire to support me.  I really want to go on this trip.  Sorry if I offended people by posting my support letter on my blog.

One thing that is on my heart right now is that I don't love Jesus well.  A friend asked me if I was struggling or prospering in my relationship with God.  My response kind of scared me.  I said neither, I am just whatever.  I am not struggling but I am not in love with Jesus where I desire to read his word or tell people about him.  I want to be in love with my creator and not just think of him as ok.  He is not ok with me just being ok.  If I was ok, he wouldn't of had to die on the cross for my sins.  He died for me and I shy away from giving him the praise, I fall into disobedience.  I don't love others well.  I am materialistic.  I want more Jesus.  I want to fall in love with you again, and again.  

Lord I have said this week I will sacrifice my life for my family.  I will take care of them if I have to.  I want to, I want to fix these things.  I want to care for people.  I want to sacrifice my life.  But I am scared, lost, and don't know the heck sacrifice even looks like.  But I don't want to be so scared that I will shy away from laying my life down.  Lord not my will but your will be done.  Lord use me in others lives.  If that means I have to live in St. Louis for the rest of my life, I hate to say it, but so be it.  I want the best for others, if that means my desires come second.  Once again I am not sure if I know what I am asking for but let your kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven.  Let your kingdom come in my life.  Today and forever more.  

Lord I pray that I get all the work done this week that I need to.

Lord I pray for quaterlife and Faith that Works Thursday night bible study.  Lord bless both groups, fill the leaders with your spirit, bring people, and let my eight week class go by fast so I can attend Thursday night bible study.  

So I will end with on this note.  On mtv they have this show called "If You Only Knew Me"  I think it one of the best shows on tv.  High school kids answer finishes the statement If you only knew me...you would know...Pretty much these students are the most transparent they have ever been.  I cry every time I watch it. So I think for the next few post I going to add to the statement if you only knew me.  My personal slogan is "Get to know me, BABY!!!"  Some of the things may be weird, funny, sad, gross, whatever. I will start with this one.  

IF YOU ONLY KNEW ME...you would know that I am really hate my little ears.  I don't like it when people point them out.  I hate when people look at them,  and don't dare touch them.